I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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