apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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