you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
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