so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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