remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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