i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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