What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have demons in me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
