Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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