i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
