i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Life is so much better after having sex.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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