I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i out mim tonsoeep
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