the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She said her name was "party"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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