Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
