My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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