This is not my ceiling
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
