kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Still dying that you shit outside
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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