You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
