Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
