john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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