I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
