My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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