we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
