i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
