I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
