I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
