We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm determined to sit on that face.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
