Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
