mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
