oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm passing your future prison.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
