My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
