we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
