So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
