I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
