i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
