I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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