I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
