I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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