your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
