I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I woke up under a house in Key West
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
