All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
