i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
