i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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