He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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