i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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