Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
