How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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