Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
