her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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