I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
