Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
