i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
That accounts for only three of the penises
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
