i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
